12/27/2011: 3:21pm: Well today marks day 50 of fat camp(Aultman Weight Loss New Outlook Program) and I can honestly say that I've made it through almost all of them completely unscathed.
I say almost because on Day 48 (Christmas Day), I finally broke. Before I tell you what I did and to what extent let me preface the story by saying A. I've never been more disappointed in myself, and B. I did not jump off of the cliff, but rather walked slightly off of the beat and path I had been on so vigorously to that point.
So in case you are keeping score somewhere in cyberspace, Grandma's one of a kind, once a year prepared, Homemade Xmas Cookies - 1, Rob - 0! I am not perfect and if you've ever read this blog previously you know I don't claim to be, but I did fail in this particular case. Allow me to explain: The whole day had gone well, and week for that matter, but for some reason when I walked into my Grandma's house and saw those incredibly stocked trays full of the holiday cheer that I have both revered and currently fear, I simply without warning or prior thought to the action I was taking, folded like a cheap card table. I sampled about a half dozen or so, walked away and never looked at them again. But that is really where the story begins.
It was the moments after the reflex reaction and the hour or two that followed that led me to this "not such a revelation moment." It wasn't so much that I tried them, or even the number that I consumed in that those two factors are not enough in themselves to derail my overall progress and effort. After all I am in week 3 of consistent workouts, which is enabling to burn more and increase energy levels and better my overall health. BUT, it was the quick realization that I was not even hungry and in looking back I'm not even sure I wanted them. I truly believe 2 factors led to the unconscious act that has me owning up to all in this post. 1- I knew given my holiday travel schedule, and the times the clinic was open to check in for weigh in and consultation did not synch, so I would not be able to weigh in until Tuesday January 3rd, on day 57. Accountability to both the wonderful folks at fat camp (Aultman Weight Loss Center) who have instilled in us the tools necessary to be successful, and those reading this blog for some form of inspiration or relative understanding of the struggle it is to truly change a lifestyle. I believe the lack of accountability outside of myself, where ultimately it needs to be for complete success, let me drop my guard just long enough to relive the past. And 2 - a simple habit or pattern of behavior that has been active for so many years. My grandma's house is truly a sanctuary for food lovers and a celebration of it since I was little. I think when I saw them in the very same spot, displayed in the very same way they have been for the entirety of my life and many decades before me, I reacted as opposed to remembering the ultimate goal and reason for this journey which is health and happiness. Part of that end game involves the weight loss. That means until I have completely mastered the tools and behaviors involved with and being instilled as part of my Aultman New Outlook program, I need to make a conscious effort to only make conscious decisions.
Having gone through that very experience, I am more committed than ever as I realize now that I am not bullet proof or immune to tripping along the path. I'm humbled like a contestant in "The Biggest Loser" that walks out of the vault in the cupcake challenge with icing on fingers and face. BUT I DO NOW understand how truly monumental of an undertaking to change habits and lifestyle this really is. AND I'm no longer taking for granted the weight I have lost with the brutal realization that until I am able to make good decisions every day, and fully embrace moderation, the progress is a very fragile victory unless I stay the course all of the time, and not just when someone's looking.
Good , no GREAT lesson for me to have learned, even the several layers of concrete located directly north of my neck helped me learn it the hard way! Stay tuned, this continues to be an interesting ride.
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