Tuesday February 21, 2012; Day 106; 8:11AM: SO I went to fat camp (Aultman Weight Loss Center) last night feeling really positive about the week I had and was looking for a possible big number drop on the scale. Well to prove just how unpredictable the weight loss process is, after a week of high stress and losing 1.6 pounds, this week of relatively low stress, great workouts and normal eating and water consumption brought a loss of 1.0 pounds. I sit at a total loss of 47.6 pounds and am currently weighing in at 227.4 pounds.
Normally I would have been incredibly frustrated by the numbers, but some real change in me lead to some "real" revelations for the first time in this process. Yes I would have loved to have lost more, but to be quite frank, I have been less and less concerned with the numbers on the scale as of late. I am noticing a distinct switch in focus on this journey that has allowed me to see a larger picture in front of me than the simple "peep hole" viewpoint that the numbers on a scale have provided me. Here's what I mean by this. Last night at Fat Camp (Aultman Weight Loss Center) I walked in with supreme confidence that I had lost, and lost big. Was I humbled just a tad, sure. But more than that I was amazed that I was not more aggravated. As a matter of fact I was quite content with the tally. I truly believe three factors played so heavily into the reaction.
The first factor is a simple one that I have been at the realization of for some time now. As I am losing weight, people I have not seen in a significant period of time since being on the "New Outlook" program with Aultman's Weight Loss Center have taken notice of my physical change and have been more than willing to compliment me on the progress. I have always and continue to maintain that I am doing this to improve my total health, not just my weight and to give my wife and I the opportunity to conceive if we choose to attempt to do so. But I have to admit to a certain amount of satisfaction and contentment when people do recognize the change that has been a total change in action, approach, and assessment of myself internally. It fuels me to continue and validates progress that is tougher for me to see on a daily basis since I have the misfortune of having to look at myself in the mirror every day.
Second to the objective party's compliment and visual recognition of the process is the fact that I have not been so strict with measuring every morsel of every nutrient I put into my body. YES, I have stuck to the program, but not always to the strictest letter of the game plan. I sometimes do allow myself an extra couple of ounces of protein if my body tells me it needs it due to the increased workouts. I also have not been as diligent in measuring my fat intake. In other words I still scoop the allotted amount of peanut butter onto my measuring spoon. But before I would have scraped the excess back into the jar, now if I choose not to be as careful, I am not as paranoid about doing so. This IS NOT recommended by my friends at Fat Camp (Aultman Weight Loss Center), but it is in reality the practice I have adopted from time to time, so if the numbers are not as large as they once were, I have to hold myself responsible, and I am comfortable in doing so. No journey worth taking comes without bumps in the road. And while I am the one who has upon occasion created them, I also understand that this process will be one that lasts me for the rest of my life, so I am truly understanding in a more complete fashion what it is going to take for me to maintain all of the progress being made once I hit my ultimate goal weight.
The third factor is the most profound, and the most revealing about this total process of weight loss and improvement of my overall health. I find myself being happier with the way I look, the way I feel, and the way I approach every single aspect of my life. The folks and friends that run Fat Camp (Aultman Weight Loss Center) have given me real tools and cues to utilize not only through out this process, but to manage my life long after the weight loss part of this journey is over. When I weighed in last night, I had a complete sense of calm when I saw the number because I realize at some point I am not going to have the scale to be my primary motivator. In other words, I am going to need to be every bit as diligent if not more with food selection, exercise, and my approach to my health after the goal weight is met. Yes the scale provides the positive feedback I need at the moment, and I HAVE continued to lose every single week of the thirteen I have been on this journey, which is wonderful in itself. But I am ready to focus on this life change as a whole, not just the process. I am noticing in the last couple of weeks clothes are changing dramatically in the way I am fitting into them. My muscle tone has increased to a noticeable level of improvement, and my endurance in a work out has noticed dramatic improvement. In any case, while I realize I can do things better, I am realizing how rewarding improved health and a "New Outlook" can really be to every part of my life.
Ironically last night in the class portion of the evening, Dr. Margaret DeLillo-Storey, the psychologist came in for her monthly class discussion and focused on the topic of stress management. She related the cues she spoke about to how overall life management is so very important to the process. A week removed from one of the more stressful events of my life, and into the home stretch of the weight loss portion of this journey, I have a far better understanding of the overarching goals of this program. I know the more you lose, the more difficult it is to lose big. I know to continue consistently I need to get back to measuring, and take the extra time to prepare the food I take in so those measurements are as accurate as possible. I know working out is great not only for weight loss, but for increased energy, and improved overall health. But most importantly, for the first time in a long time I am becoming more comfortable in my own skin, more confident in my ability to maintain this process, and happier overall as a result.